While I am proud to wear a military uniform every day, I am not proud - at all - to be seen in the requisite “mom pants”.  These are perhaps the most unflattering pants still in existence; only the inclusion of elastic could possibly make them any worse.

There are only two ways to wear them: hiked up to your bra, or belted at the top part of the hips which results in a baggy crotch that falls halfway down to your thighs.  I, and most women that I know, elect the latter method of wearing my pants.  However, every once in a while I run across a woman who insists on mom-pantsing herself.

Yesterday I came across one such mom-pantsed woman.  She was thin and clearly in shape; however, she wore her pants pulled all the way up so that her fly was extended its full 17 inches and left her butt an unusually long length and peculiar shape.  The end result was the most unflattering possible figure one can imagine, the kind that makes people wonder if maybe you’re pregnant? except that we all know it’s really just the 17 inch fly.

In the highly unlikely even that someday a uniform developer will stumble across this particular post, I will say to you: there is not a single female body on which mom pants are flattering.  Just ask Jessica Simpson - mom pants vs. non mom pants.  Come to think of it, I can think of some other uniform revisions the Navy ought to consider…