This is Walter, again!  Did you folks miss me? 

I went to lunch today with Wally and Jocelyn and I had this great idea to make a Buffalo Chicken Sandwich.  I’ve done this before and with great results.  Today, something was telling me that it was all going to go very very wrong but me being me…  I didn’t listen.  I get my two chicken tenders and hamburger bun then go in search of Texas Pete.  I’ve made these great creations before with Texas Pete and Texas Pete is what yields the best results.  Much to my dismay there is no Texas Pete so I’ve got to settle for plain ol’ Tabasco Sauce.  Now, I’m from Maryland so you must pardon me if I’m not the great Hot-Sauce connoisseur that (((most))) people from the South are.  I’m thinking it’s the same thing…  This will work out just right.  WRONG.  I douse my chicken tenders in Tabasco Sauce.  I’m talking totally covered them which is the same thing I do with Texas Pete.  I pour my Ranch Dressing (fat-free of course) over the top and strategically place my lettuce in places where they’re the least likely to fall off…  Then comes the first bite… 

“HOLY CRAP!” Is the first thought that ran through my head.  “Don’t let Jocelyn or Wally see you be a huge wuss!” was the second thought.  I powered my way through the sandwich while taking frequent sips of water, even though I know it doesn’t help, and trying to hold my tears back from my lunch dates.  Once I got done to the last couple bites I dumped the rest of my ranch onto my place and covered the little piece of chicken that I had left.  

This isn’t the worst of my story. What happened next is something of legendary stupidity.   

I took off my glasses. They’re dirty and they’ve got dried hairspray on them from the gallons that I have to use to keep my hair in a neat and professional appearance.  Every time I take my glasses off my eyes start to itch because I’m so used to wearing them.  Naturally, when my eye starts to itch I give it a little rub in hopes that the itch will go away. 

I think you can see where this is going. I rubbed my eye with one finger.  My index finger.  My eye continues to itch.  “Hmm, that’s strange,” I thought, “my eye doesn’t normally itch this…  HOLY MOTHER OF TABASCO SAUCE!  Why is my eye burning?”  Oh Yeah.  I had some excess Tabasco Sauce left on my finger and it was now burning a hole through my eye socket.  

I tried to be discreet and walk to the sinks without causing a scene.  It’s hard not to cause a scene when you’re crying out and holding your eye while run/walking through a line of hungry military men.  I get to the sinks and do my best not to look like a puss while I washed my hands very carefully, twice then try to rinse out my eye.  There was a Marine next to me who said something remotely funny and I snorted.  He looked at me and said, “The last person that laughed at me is taking a dirt nap.”  I was in too much pain (and frankly, too scared) to say anything else to him.  I washed out my eye the best I could and that didn’t work. I was on the verge of trying to find some Ranch Dressing to pour in my eye.  It worked to make the chicken not so hot…  why wouldn’t it work for my eye???

As I sat today on the balcony outside of our building located in the vicinity of three helicopter landing pads, one particular helicopter came zooming toward me - very, very fast and quite low.  And I thought to myself, “Man, that helicopter is really flying!”

Hussein trial resumes without defense team

Some of you probably don’t know a lick of what I do here.  I work at Detainee Operations - a very interesting office.  One of our offices (I don’t work there but it’s still part of our office) is CCCI, or the Central Criminal Court of Iraq - the court that is taking Saddam to trial. 

I wonder a lot about the defense team - who could defend Saddam Hussein?