Diary of an Unremarkable Vanilla

The highlight of last month was getting to spend a couple of days with my best friend ever, the one and only Krustina. After oh, about 18 years of friendship, we’re more than just friends; she’s the closest thing I’ll ever have to a sister. We have that comfortable kind of relationship where we can go without meeting for years and the moment we see each other it’s like we’ve only been apart a day.

Kristina flew out to meet me after the business part of my trip back to the U.S.. We didn’t have much time to spend together but we made the most of it.

The night she arrived, we wanted to find somewhere to eat but because neither of us really know all too much about restaurants in DC, we just drove around looking for something. We couldn’t find anywhere to stop and getting hungry and having to use the bathroom, we used the GPS to find some places near where we were driving and finally found somewhere to stop. As we were walking to the restaurant, Kristina put her arm out to stop me and said, “Wait! I think I know that guy!” Now, mind you, this scenario has happened many times over the last 18 years where she’s stopped because she was sure she knew someone, so I just rolled my eyes and reminded her that she can’t possibly know anyone here, she’s never lived here or even spent any time here, and how on earth would she know anyone here. Leave it to Kristina, though - a quizzical turn of the head and the question, “Rob?” and what on earth just happened here, Kristina is hugging some guy on the sidewalk. Turns out it was her ex-brother-in-law who just happened to live around the corner of the restaurant we randomly found on the GPS. INSANITY.

We spent the night at her sister-in-law’s house and left early the next morning to take the Metro downtown for some sightseeing.

Our first stop was Eastern Market where stopped for some lattes and pastries; from there we meandered through the handmade goods and picked up some beautiful photographs from Steven Miller, a fantastic photographer whose works hang in the Smithsonian’s permanent collection. Our next stop was the food hall where we bought some stinky cheeses and fresh fruit, some freshly baked bread and a disappointingly wussy lemonade.

We hopped on the Metro and got off at the Smithsonian and lazed around on the Mall, munching our cheeses, laughing and catching up on the years we’ve lost getting to be goofy together.

Bottom’s up!

It was so nice, and so needed, to spend that time together. Oh, to live closer together.

One of the highlights of the last few weeks was getting to visit home. Originally, my mom had planned on coming to Washington, D.C. to meet me while I was there, so I took some leave to be there a few extra days. Once I got there, though, my dad - in an unusual fit of logic - thought it would be the same amount of money to fly me round-trip TO Milwaukee as it would have been to fly my mom round-trip FROM Milwaukee. Although I originally hesitated because I was sick of being in the cabin of an airplane, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see all my family, even if only for a short while.

My grandfather was going to pick me up from the airport and take me to visit my grandmother who was recently released from an unfortunate hospital stay for a broken hip. While I have a lot of people who are very proud of my military service, I think perhaps none are as proud as my grandparents, and so I thought it would be nice to fly in my uniform. This was the first time I’ve ever traveled in uniform and it felt a bit awkward being the only one in the airport decked out in white from head to toe, and I’m even more certain I was the only person there wearing a square-knotted neckerchief under a neck flap, I was surprisingly less awkward than I thought I’d be - I actually felt quite proud representing the Navy.

And it didn’t hurt that I was whisked through Security, upgraded to First Class and pre-boarded on the plane - I really couldn’t complain about that at all.

The first night I was home, my mom made her famous Super Chicken Casserole and both of my brothers, a sister-in-law, and both nephews all came over for dinner. It was chaotic but wonderful to be back at home where the decibel level in a normal conversation rivals that of a rock concert.

My sister-in-law was thrillllled to have her picture taken with my dad.

My nephews - well, one in particular - was very excited to be let out of the house for once and terrorized all of us. He sure is a cute kid, but I wouldn’t want to run into him in a dark alley.

My lovely mama whose Super Chicken Casserole makes us feel like a family.

The evening was capped off by some down home Wisconsin WWE super slam wrestling. It’s remarkable that the floor didn’t give out under all the ruckus. And, by the way, if anyone ever thinks about criticizing me again for taking too long to write something here, I would kindly direct you to Exhibit 1, noting in the lower left the CHRISTMAS PRESENTS FROM 2007 THAT STILL HAVEN’T BEEN GIVEN OUT. AND THE SNOWFALL CHRISTMAS FRAME WITH THE CHRISTMAS PICTURE OF MY KIDS IN CHRISTMAS OUTFITS.

Unfortunately, my fun fun time at home was dampened by a thrown out back the next morning that had me crying in bed the whole next day. My brother Dan and I had planned on going to the Body World Exhibit at the Milwaukee Public Museum but my back was doing some super special voodoo magic and causing me to walk (and feel) like I was being shocked by electricity every 10 feet. But that’s OK because those creepy bodies were giving me the heebie jeebies.

I went home and lay down for the rest of the day and that by the next day, I would be feeling better. Dan was taking me to Chicago, which unbelievably after living in Milwaukee for the first 19 years of my life, I never really got the chance to see outside of the visit to the Field Museum of Natural History in middle school. Too bad my back didn’t want to cooperate because I was in a massive amount of pain despite the craniosacral therapy I paid for out of my pocket to try to fix whatever was so messed up. Fortunately, with the help of a lot of painkillers, I was able to hobble down the Magnificent Mile for some just-as-effective retail therapy.

And so I leave with you, my readers, with picture which is a miracle that only my family - and maybe Kristina - can really appreciate.

I knooooooow.

Dad, you can get off my case now.

These last weeks - months, really - have been some very busy months for me. I haven’t been online much lately, and when I am I have not been able to string together thoughts in any coherent sort of manner. I come home from work and most days I fall asleep before the kids, and I still wake up feeling exhausted.

I suppose I should start with the most recent and work my way back in events:

Yesterday was Isak’s first science fair. The kid whose teacher describes him as “brilliant” called up B on Thursday to inform us that Isak hadn’t done anything for his science project. He hadn’t told us there was anything of the sort, cleverly hiding any evidence of this project from his backpack. The night before was a very stressful night that finally ended just shy of midnight and ended up with a pretty cool project but a whole lot of consequences at home - no TV, no computer, no video games, toys, playing with friends. He will be Mozart by the time the school year is done.

And, in case you ever wondered, buy the Lucky Charms instead of the generic brand. They have 8% more marshmallows and taste tests prove they’re better - all for nearly the same price per gram.

{If you click on the picture, you’ll get a full-sized picture where you should be able to read the results of the project}

Since we were at school yesterday for the science fair, we dropped by Anja’s classroom and talked to her teacher about her behavior lately. She’s been disruptive, mean, and annoying lately, both at home and at school. It’s hard for us because she’s a very special child, she has a great love for nature and is an interesting mix of girly-girl and tomboy, and for the most part she is a very sweet, caring little girl who is nice to everyone. However, she also has a short attention span and can’t control herself, she does things without thinking and she doesn’t know when enough is enough. For example: She came to school a couple weeks ago wearing a pretty sundress and dressy shoes with a container full of frogs at various stages of development - some were still tadpoles, some had their tails shortening and some had just completed their development into tiny frogs. Her teacher thanked her for her contribution (they were studying the development/life cycle of frogs at the time) and knowing my daughter, reminded her that they had enough and please not to bring any more frogs.

The next day she showed up clutching a big fat frog that she’d waded into the ditch and scooped into her shoe.

And in truly typical Anja fashion, as her teacher is lecturing her on how she was NOT supposed to have brought any more frogs in, the frog goes and lays a whole mass of eggs. Which effectively completed the entire development/life cycle of frogs. What do you say to a child like this?! She drives you nuts and then does something spectacular that no one else would have done, which leaves you scratching your head as to how to respond except with some soap and water to wash the sticky eggs off her hands and higher blood pressure than you had when you woke up that morning.

Yesterday also saw the end of my control over my destiny for this year: I sent in my package for the Chief’s board which convenes 2 days after my birthday. Thus I begin my (approximate) countdown until results day:

I had some great stuff in my package this year and everyone who knows enough to give an opinion says that with what I’m doing now, there’s nothing more I can do if I don’t make it except to continue doing what I’m doing now. And I’ve heard that after this year, our numbers of promotions are going to go down significantly for a few years. I really hope I make it this year and I am considering surgery to permanently cross my fingers.

I have more to write about, and this time I really will because now that I’ve already started posting, I’ll finish catching up with my writing and will schedule my posts to post throughout the week.

Happy Mother’s Day to the best Mom anyone could ask for.

I know, I know, I know:  I am a slacker.

I have never disputed this fact.

But this time I have, I think, a pretty good reason for not having written for a while.

About 2 months ago, my office workload went from being slower than average to overwhelming at times.  It’s never been bad overwhelming, just busy overwhelming.  When the work finally started to calm back down again, I was starting to plan for a business-related trip back to the U.S.

Since I would already be back in the U.S., the fabulous Krustina and the fabulous MOM planned to fly out at separate times to meet me while I took leave in conjunction with the business part of the trip.  In between Krustina’s and MOM’s visits, I would get to spend time with a couple of friends in the area and do some sightseeing.

I was able to visit with magical Mrs. E-lizabeth and Family for several days which was so nice.  I loved having a family to be with instead of sitting forlornly in my hotel room - the one that was never arranged for me before I got there.  But I digress… E was, as she always has been, the most fantastical hostess and I felt like I was at home.

After the first week of mostly business, Krustina came out to visit, and that will be for another post, but I will say that spending time with her is like being 16 again, only not broke and without zits and greasy skin.

The next week, the daddy-o very generously flew me out to Wisconsin so instead of just my mom spending time with me for 2 days, I could see my whole family for 5.  While I dreaded the additional time spent inside an aircraft, in the end it was so worth it.

I will post again very soon with some highlights from the trip which will include pictures and tales of pecan sandies, except that you won’t know it’s the tale of a pecan sandie because it will be ingeniously disguised in the form of a foreign exchange student.

I will update soon, I promise!  I just need more time than I currently have to post everything I want to post.

Keep an eye out!

Today marks my 11th year in the Navy.  11 years!  When I started this whole thing, I never for a moment thought I’d be in for more than 4, and here I am, officially over the halfway point toward retirement.

I’m spending this anniversary in an awesome place - Washington DC!  I got here yesterday, and I will spare everyone the details of the Charlie Foxtrot that is getting anything done for traveling, but suffice it to say that I’m here and having fun now. 

I really don’t know how people got by traveling in the past without a GPS receiver.  I got a rental car and I’ve only driven in DC once and that was directly to a house that I had gotten satellite directions to; to try and drive anywhere else while here was something I was not interested in attempting.  But last night I got in just before dark and typed the address into Carmen, our little Garmin Nuvi 270, and she took me right to my destination without any stress whatsoever. 

Today I drove from a northern suburb of D.C. down to Andrews Air Force Base, to 2 hotels, to a Peruvian restaurant that was highly recommended by the visitors reception center on the base, then to the Navy Yard and back here - and the entire time I drove with confidence and no stress.  I will be so bold to say that of every little gizmo and gadget I’ve ever bought, my Nuvi was easily the best money I’ve ever spent. 

This trip is best described as a mullet - business in the front, party in the back.  The seminar that brought me here starts tomorrow, and come the weekend I get to spend some time with Krustina which I’m looking forward to immensely, followed by a quick flight back to Milwaukee to spend some time with the family there.  It’s going to be a pretty fast paced trip but I’m so grateful to be able to see so many people I love and have missed for so long now.  

I love that I’m back in America! 

Last weekend I spent an exorbitant amount of time in the bathroom, and what else does one do whilst on the toilet than peruse classified ads?  They finally got a daily newspaper on base which is the most exciting thing that’s happened here since last October when they opened the new NEX, aka The Only Thing to Do On Base.

So I’ve been buying it here and there but haven’t had any time to do, well, anything lately.  Except that little bit of extra peace and quiet time that Mother Nature allowed me last weekend.  So I picked up the paper and started reading through the classifieds.

Always looking to pawn off something useless, I skipped forward to the “Merchandise Wanted” section and found this little gem:

Thanks to my friend, the infamous Casey Wheeler, I was introduced to the highly offensive, hilarious band, Tenacious D (the frontman is Jack Black), and Tenacious D introduced me to the term “Cleveland Steamer”.  But Rusty Trombone, that was a new one, and unless you are adequately prepared with a crank to pull your jaw back up, I do not recommend Wikipediaing that term.

Poor Cameron.

B: So what were you doing at your friend’s house, Isak?

I: We were playing Pokemon and trading cards! <goes back to eating his hot dog>

B: You know, when I was a kid, we used to trade soccer cards.

Me: You know, when I was a kid, we used to stop the police cars that would drive down the street and ask for baseball cards.

I: Nom nom nom

B: Really? That’s cool. Why don’t they do that anymore?

Me: Probably because someone didn’t get the card they wanted so they sued the police.

I: Nom nom nom

B: No, someone probably got a papercut so they sued the police.

Me: No no no, someone probably sued the police because the guy on the card got the DUI and interpreted that as an endorsement by the police of drunk driving.

I: Nom nom nom

B: No no no, someone probably didn’t get the card they wanted so they went out and got drunk and drove home and killed someone and sued the police because they were the ones that made him go get drunk and kill someone.

Me: You’re so right.

After 4 straight days of heavy rain, strong winds, and cold temperatures, the weather finally cleared up on Friday.  Everyone was cooped up in their houses all week, so when it finally did get nice, we naturally had to go out and enjoy it.

Friday we had a reenlistment ceremony at a castle in the neighboring town; Saturday was a baby shower that we were able to enjoy outside, and last night B and I went out with some friends and stayed out til the wee-est of the wee hours of the morning.  When we finally woke up near noon after only about 6 hours of sleep - even the kids slept ridiculously late - it was to a phone call asking if we had any water balloons.

I should back up a minute and explain the friendly rivalry we have in our neighborhood.  The base replaced the fences between yards a few months ago, knocking down the nice wood privacy fences and replacing them with cheap PVC fences that offer no privacy.  The only good that came out of them was that we were able to knock out 3 “planks” between our yard and our friends’ yard which eliminated the previous need to walk down the street, up another and back down to get to their house (we both live on bends in different roads so our backyards are side-by-side but on different streets).

Across the street is another family that we’re all friends with.  My backyard neighbors and across the street neighbors have known each other for several years now after having been stationed together for 3 years prior to this.  Since we’ve been here, we’ve gotten to be good friends with them and now that we all live so close, we’ve had a lot of fun.  Especially with water balloons.

But our water balloon fights aren’t what one might expect from a water balloon fight.  No, these are the kinds that wake you up while you’re sleeping to the sound of your windows being hit with water balloons from across the street.  Thanks to some super-mega-giant slingshots, we have some of the most fun water balloon fights ever.

Today I decided to get my camera out and take some pictures of the fun. While it’s nearly impossible to get the shot of the balloons landing because their landing site is totally unpredictable, I got some fun ones of us launching them.  The destination was inside the fence in the house to the right of the palm tree across the street.

.

As you can tell, this thing has some serious strength behind it.  The balloons have flown much further than just their yard; in fact, we got it past their neighbor’s yard on another street a couple of times.

Now, YOU keep in mind that strength when you enjoy these following pictures, because *I* did not keep in mind that strength when I took them.

Ready?  Aim?

Yeah, that was not such a good idea.  Right after that shot of the balloon being launched, it hit my camera straight in the lens.  My very good, very expensive, very frequently used wide angle Canon 17-40mm f/4L lens that cost an arm and a leg.

It appeared to have knocked the fitting around the top glass loose and condensation got inside the glass.  Fortunately my camera is pretty decently water tight and doesn’t seem to have been injured, but…but…my poor, poor lens.

At least we got some fun pictures out of the deal…

…and, more importantly, we got some direct hits in enemy territory.